Colorful flowers, beautiful décor, great weather, and the perfect white dress are the headlines for nearly every BRIDES magazine. It is clear that in our society, a wedding is one of the most important and most celebrated events in our lives. Preschool aged girls dream to meet their prince charming and run away with him and live happily ever after. It is a life dream, a goal, a wish; something that we were taught to look forward to, since childhood. The question is, however, do all our childhood dreams of living “happily ever after” occur in marriage? Is prince charming always as charming as he was when a couple first met? Does the princess always stay as sweet as honey and serve her prince in every way? The answer is: Yes. But only in fairy tails. Since marriage is not a simple love affair (Campbell), some choose to say “goodbye” to their “lifelong” partner and chose another fit; others stay in a marriage and suffer through the hard times. There are different effects to both and I will contrast and compare the distinction between the two: marriage vs. divorce.
When hearing the word “marriage”, what comes to your mind? Of course, for everyone, this word will bring different emotions, feelings, and actions. For some anger comes to mind, for others, it brings happiness. With our different experiences and emotions, we can all agree that marriage is definitely not easy. In fact, Joseph Campbell says in his documentary called “The power of a myth” that, “Marriage is not a simple love affair; it’s an ordeal, and the ordeal is the sacrifice of ego to a relationship in which two have become one” (Campbell). Though the wedding day may seem like a fairy tale, marriage itself is more of a sacrifice than anything else.
A marriage between two partners is crucial for the couple’s children. Children feel like the parents agree on certain rules and the parents don’t try to gain more of his/her child’s love. A happy marriage creates a beautiful environment for a child where he/she feels safe and loved – like nowhere else in the world. It also creates protection for each partner in the marriage. Caitlin Flanagan, an author of a book Girl Land, states in her writing, “a lasting covenant between a man and a woman can be a vehicle for the nurture and protection of each other, the one reliable shelter in an uncaring world” (Flanagan). Although this world may seem very caring, it is filled with hate, cruelty, and crime; however, within a lasting marriage, both individuals may feel safe and protected. And feeling protected will leave them caring for their young with much love and security.
One of the most important factors of marriage is that it raises and sets an example for generations to come. Caitlin Flanagan also says that, “[marriage is to] raise the next generation, to protect and teach it, to instill in it the habits of conduct and character that will ensure the generation's own safe passage into adulthood… that's the generation who will be taking care of us when we are old” (Flanagan). So marriage isn’t just an act of love or sacrifices being made to one another – it is the base for the generation that will be taking care of us when we are old. A good marriage effects the future generation like no other, it builds a foundation for our children to stand on and take example of, teaching them to love, protect, and care.
In contrast, divorce has a much different effect on society rather than a good marriage. For many individuals, divorce may be a very good experience for various different reasons, for example: abusive parent/partner, neglecting parent/partner, etc. However, in the larger picture of our society and the effects of divorce on it, may in fact be negative, especially on children and their future relationships. Professor at Dickinson College, Marie Helweg-Larsen states that “In fact, research suggests that individuals with divorced parents hold less favorable attitudes toward marriage (Jennings, Salts, & Smith,1992)… and are less optimistic about their chances of experiencing a satisfying marriage and of not getting a divorce “ (Helweg-Larsen 159). The experiences that children have when they are young are much more likely to occur later in their lives, including divorce.
In contrast to a good marriage, divorce has a more negative effect on our future generation. The question to be asked is, “What will a family look like in 20 years?” If parents are setting examples of divorce today, will there be such a thing as marriage in 20 years? If children are not receiving true love from parents today, will they be looking for it elsewhere? Perhaps in the arms of a stranger. Or maybe we’ll have thousands of children who don’t know who their true father is, seeking to gain finances through physical crime and assault. And yet we still face the fact the one in five marriages dissolve within the first five years. (Bennett) And we can still stand up to the fact that the highest figure ever recorded for births outside of marriage in 2008 was 41% of all births in the U.S. (Bennett) If 41% of the children that had been born outside of marriage are now four years of age, who will they become at the age of 14? 18?
Works Cited
Bennett, Jessica, and Jesse Ellison. “I DON’T” Newsweek; 2010. Vol. 155, Issue 25, p 42 – 45.
Campbell Joseph, Bill Moyers. The Power of Myth: Love and Goddess. PBS video, 1988.
Flanagan, Caitlin. “Why Marriage Matters.” Time; 7.13.2009: p 45 -49. Print.
Helweg-Larsen, Hilary G. Harding, William M. P. Klein. “Will I Divorce or Have a Happy Marriage?: Gender Differences in Comparative Optimism and Estimation of Personal Chances Among U.S. College Students.” Basic and Applied Social Psychology. 3. 2011. P. 157 – 166.
Can't wait for the finished copy, Nina! :)
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