I remember sitting on the couch with my eyes looking at the pretty shapes on the ceiling above me as a child, living the most wonderful day of the week. Thinking of how the week went and how I should deal with some of the drama in school. As soon as I heard my dad’s work van, I jerked up from my comfortable, soft couch and ran to the kitchen, got on with my house chores to “look busy” when he comes home. Yes. That is my dad. He is a hard working man, in fact; the most hard working I man I have yet met. I was only 4 when I came to the U.S. and by the time I was 5, we had our first computer (a very delicate item at the time) and by the age of 5 ½, we have already owned our own home. Did I mention my dad is a very busy man? In just two years we owned a house. A year later my dad opened his own business and as soon as he started thinking about our education and well being, he opened his own private school for us to attend, with many other, of course. Within a year our private was progressing like no other. Many Slavic families only wished and waited to get into the school my dad successfully established.
As a child I was taught to work like no other. I was taught to achieve goals and make my dreams come true no matter what it required of me to accomplish. My dad provided a good paying “job” for my 6 siblings and me in our family business and, I admit, it was not the “best job in the world” that he described it to be. It took long nights and hard days to grow as a company we are today. Of course he paid us, and as children, we never had problems with money. Our dad taught us to achieve goals and taught us the importance of knowing how money evolves and how to keep it flowing through our pockets.
Having a great dad with his great abilities and skills in everything there could possibly be in this world made my childhood incredibly interesting. He is proficient in 3 languages, he has high education in heating & electric work, ability to build 6 more houses after our first one, and never did he dare pay someone else to do his work. He is the man of the house. Period. It wasn’t always easy, especially when I had my friend over and was encouraged to too, bring her with me to my “best job in the world” and my friend truly took my dad’s word for it, since she didn’t have such opportunity to gain cash easily. My friend went home happy, that’s for sure! As I have gotten older, I have found myself longing to relax, longing for some peace and comfort. A busy life has taken a hold of me and I too, carried on my dad’s traits to find myself in college as a 16 year old, achieving more than I thought I’d ever lay my hands on. It was great! And as an adult I found it being my thing – to be busy. It was my thing to be social, make contacts, talk, talk, talk, and achieve my dreams. With all my successes came failures and mistakes and in all the great traits carried on from my Father, I still needed something to fill the gap – gap of stillness, gentleness, and peacefulness.
Having a relationship with God was, for the most part, my greatest success. He was the one leading me to the place where I am now, providing peace, security, and comfort that I was longing for. And one day, actually, it took 3 years that God showed me the man – the man of my dreams. Yes, he has dreams, he is social, he is very out going and loves being around people but there is something about him that was a big chunk of nothingness in my childhood – stillness. His family is very peaceful and would rather all stay home to watch a family movie one evening instead of building millions of houses. He is steady, yet spontaneous; social, but the best listener. He shaped my adult years in a way that nobody could have. The thought of him makes my day turn into a melody, a very quiet and relaxing melody. It’s beautiful.
The outgoing, “crazy” person who I grew up to be turned into a calmer, steady, yet still a talker and enthusiastic person that I once was. It was a crazy change that occurred inside when I started learning more of what is expected of me as a future wife and what is expected of me as woman being watched by younger girls looking for a hero. It was then when I started being more accepting and open to new ideas. I started, together with Yar, working with the youth in our church and getting them more involved in the community. It is amazing to see the hearts of young people fill with love to serve and love others just like they love themselves. That is when all the myths I’ve been thought as a child about racism and black/white/yellow/red people went away. I realized that love is the only thing that matters in life. IT ALL COMES DOWN TO LOVE. That is my favorite sentence.
I would read the Love Chapter from Corinthians over and over, making notes of every single word. I was amazed. If only there would be enough love in this world! If only there were enough people to show the love! There would be no evil, there would be no shame, no judging, no discrimination, no suffering, just love. So I ask myself: “where is the love?” And now, as a changed person, I am wondering the streets of Portland Oregon, asking myself this question day to day… what will I choose to do about it?
No comments:
Post a Comment