Indiscreet, starring Gloria Swanson or Jerry is a young woman who had sexual intercourse with her boyfriend and chooses to leave him because of his unwanted behavior. She enjoys reading books and got invited to go on a date with an author of her most favorite book. While she progresses in her relationship with her new boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend starts a relationship with her little sister in another town. In fact, they decide to keep the wedding secret for a certain time.

 On to a mission of destroying the wedding, Jerry ends up in her ex-boyfriends arms again during her sister’s engagement. The truth came out that they were once lovers and Jerry’s little sister refused to marry him and Jerry lives happily with her new boyfriend as the ex-boyfriend is left single.

 The director, Leo McCarey was born in Los Angeles, California where he graduated from University of Southern California law school. He worked at Hal Roach Studios for the most time and became a vice president of production of the entire studio in 1929. In 1937 he received his first Academy Award for Directing.

 The review on this movie that was published the original year of production on May 7th, 1931 is a great way to look at the movie from the perspective of 1930’s. Written by Mordaunt Hall, the review briefly recaps the movie as well as mentions the cons and pros. Mordaunt concludes that there are some scenes that are not well photographed and that the characters change their minds too abruptly. However, overall, the movie seems to have good standing in that day.

 Another review that I found was by the Unites States Conference of Catholic Bishops. The review gave an unappealing perspective on the movie. It described Miss Swanson’s role as “a modern girl with an old-fashioned conscience” and called her flat and unappealing. They also mention that McCarey provides scant comic relief. It was rated from adults only.

 I also found a newer review that was written in 2006. The newer review seemed to have appreciated the movie far more than any other review. It gave a perspective of an older movie from a new age. Praising Swanson and the star she was, the writer appreciates her ability to act as a hilarious and amusing character.

 I found the movie to be rather funny, which I did not expect to see. Older movies always seemed to appear to be boring and un interesting to me. However, after watching Indiscreet, seems like my views of older movies changed significantly and drove me to search older movies to watch on my free time. I think the humor of the movie is fascinating – especially at the climax of the story. Gloria Swanson is a star of that day and looks nothing like the stars of this day. She is dressed quiet appropriately and her dressing style is outstandingly different. Patrick states in his review, “Swanson’s clothes are resplendent of their outrageous glamour…”

 I couldn’t help but laugh at the words she said to her ex boyfriend, it seems like in those days, a woman was a catch that was hard to get – that is totally not the case in these days. Today we see young girls literally sit on guys’ laps without permission whereas the movie Indiscreet portrayed a significantly contrasting perspective.

 Some factors that I find very interesting in the film is that there is a certain acceptance to sexual relationships before marriage. Jerry, played by Gloria Swanson had a boyfriend who she had a sexual relationship. The Catholic Bishops’ review states that there are Sexual situations and innuendo. Also, an online review by Scott says, “…the movie also implies and acknowledges sex on several occasions…” When first watching it, I thought that Jerry only went as far as kissing – nothing more. However, throughout the movie, it is very obvious that Jerry had a sexual relationship and it seems to be very accepted by the Older Lady who she lives with – that’s a little shocking.

 I imagined older movies to be completely against sex before marriage, however, I think this movie is the opposite. I do find it very interesting, though, that on the front cover of the movie, in bold letters you can read: “HUNTED BY HER PAST SINS!” Even though this movie may somewhat acknowledge sex before marriage, it does imply that it is an embarrassing thing and that it must be a sin. This is portrayed when Jerry feels bad and wants to tell her new boyfriend about her past relationship. It is the fact that Jerry feels extremely horrible for her “mistake” and feels very bad if it remains a secret. 

Comparing to today’s time, sex before marriage is portrayed as a very “popular” or “cool” thing to do. It is hard to find a romance movie that doesn’t include kissing and sexual content. The girls in movies are ready to have a sexual relationship with a guy as soon as they get to know him and don’t feel bad about it at all! If fact, the girls in the movies are somewhat proud of it.

 I also find it very interesting on how Jerry’s little sister, Barbara is represented in the movie as a little lamb. It sort of implies that young girls are very “easy-to-get” because they don’t know a lot about love yet and are very gullible when it comes to love. Patrick, in his review mentions, “The man she dumped seeks revenge by dating Terry’s innocent younger sister.” Innocent. That is the little sister is described in the review and it is definitely exactly how she was portrayed in the movie. She was a very young girl who believed Jerry’s ex boyfriend with all her heart and couldn’t wait to marry him. Monroe, the ex-boyfriend, on the other hand, seems very selfish to act to a younger girl like that. He was willing to break the heart of a very young woman just to get his revenge.

 I think the movie needed a little more life in the beginning. Even though it fairly interesting; I think I would enjoy it more if there was more humor towards the beginning and middle of the film. There is great humor towards the end of the film and I really wish they had that all throughout the whole film. I think Hollywood over exaggerated in this movie by showing a woman who has boyfriend and is ready to dump him and move on very quickly – which may not have been the usual case back then. I enjoyed the movie.

 Bibliography

 Indiscreet, http://old.usccb.org/movies/i/indiscreet1931.shtml
McCarey Leo, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_McCarey
Mordaunt Hall, Indiscreet, May 7th, 1931
Patrick, Indiscreet, http://www.threemoviebuffs.com/review/indiscreet

Taking a Closer look at the Bible

You don't have to read for this one!

The FIRST FREE podcast for Scholar Daily readers.

Understand the process of analyzing characters from the Bible. A great podcast that has been recorded at Smirna Youth Group from Battle Ground, Washington.

This is a short 5 minute podcast that you can listen at home, work, school. It is also available on smart phones and will soon be available on iTUNES.  http://bit.ly/Hf0oP7

Review on "10 Bad Eating Habits Parents Often Teach their Kids"

Article URL: http://www.aupair.org/blog/10-bad-eating-habits-parents-often-teach-their-kids/

It is interesting enough that the title of this article states, "...parents 'teach' their kids." Though many parents don't take the time to sit and "teach" their children by stating how to consume food, instead they MODEL how to eat. Since children learn mostly from imitating and doing what their role models are doing - that is the exact process of teaching that affects children most.

However, many may not realize that children learn most from imitation and may say, "I'm eating really fast, but this is not how I wan't you do to!" Which does very little affect to the children's behavior, since they learn from doing what others do. Furthermore, parents' and teachers' eating habits may greatly influence the eating habits of children and them may not even realize it!

Reading the article made me realize the fact that our eating habits have certain consequences to them. And the consequences may not be good, especially on our children. They watch us eat and do the same exact thing.

The point I love most is showing the unhealthy eating habit of eating too fast. We, adults, seem to live life under a great pressure of time and sometimes fail to realize that. We sit our children down and expect them to eat their food, but cannot sit ourselves down because we have many other tasks to take care of. After some time, we wonder why our children aren't able to sit still at the table. Ha! It is even ironic in one perspective.

Check out other article in the left column: http://www.aupair.org/blog/10-bad-eating-habits-parents-often-teach-their-kids/

Six life skills

Book Review for:

Book Title: Beyond Behavior Management

Author: Jenna Bilmes

The Six Life Skills Children Need to Thrive in Today’s World

 - As teachers, parents, and loved ones; we want children to gain respect for others around them. We want them to accept difference and be able to thrive in the world today.

 - Children learn most from imitation. BE THE ROLE MODEL in everything you teach.

Children develop and learn respect through many life’s challenges and harnesses. Especially when it comes to sharing, speaking to their peers, and holding in anger when it hits. I believe that it is our role to help them grow in respect.

                                                                                                                                                In order for a child can develop adequate respect, it is essential for the child to develop six very important life skills:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

1.    Attachment

·      A feeling of security, having all physical needs met

·      To do: give the child a hug if he/she needs it, be ready to listen when he/she talks (possible during recess), make the child feel safe in every way you can, smile when the child walks in the door, so that the classroom will be a warm place for him.

·      “I have a grown-up who cherishes me and keeps me safe!”

2.    Affiliation

·      Feeling needed in the classroom, a part of the classroom, having friends to play with

·      To do: assign roles for every child, “turn on lights,” “put scissors in place.” If child doesn’t come to school one day, make sure everyone notices that the child isn’t in school and that his role will be left undone, or maybe someone will want to do it for him? Assign children into groups if they have a hard time making friends.

·      “I can have a friend and be a friend!”

3.    Self-regulation

·      Being able to control impulses (since the child feels wanted and affiliated, he/she feels bad for behaving unwantedly)

·      To do: Have activities and through out every day, make it clear that every action will face a consequence. Also, make it clear to the children that NOT feelings control their actions but that THEY themselves have the power to control their behavior.

·      “I can manage my strong emotions and am in control of my behavior!” 

4.    Initiative

·      Being able to try something new, ask questions,

·      To do: model initiative, choose a book to read, ask child what book he/she wants to read.

·      “I am constantly growing and changing and learning new things!”

5.    Problem Solving

·      Being able to solve a problem.

·      To do: in everyday situations, model by asking, “What can we do about it?” If the classroom pet is mellow ask “what can we do?” If children aren’t getting a long ask, “what can we do about it?” Add hints like, “some people choose to share, some choose to take turns.”

·      “I can solve problems and resolve conflicts!”

6.    Respect

·      Understanding that everyone has unique characteristics and cultures

·      To do: Activities that will open children’s eyes to the fact that they are all very different and very unique; they are made to do a certain goal in life, to be successful.

·      “I have unique gifts and challenges, and so do others!”

The Impact on Today’s Mothers after Divorce

Colorful flowers, beautiful décor, great weather, and the perfect white dress are the headlines for nearly every BRIDES magazine. It is clear that in our society, a wedding is one of the most important and most celebrated events in our lives. Preschool aged girls dream to meet their prince charming and run away with him and live happily ever after. It is a life dream, a goal, a wish; something that we were taught to look forward to since childhood. The question is, however, do all our childhood dreams of living “happily ever after” occur in marriage? Is prince charming always as charming as he was when a couple first met? Does the princess always stay as sweet as honey and serve her prince in every way? The answer is: yes, but only in fairytales. Since marriage is not a simple love affair (Campbell), some choose to say “goodbye” to their “lifelong” partner and select another fit; others stay in a marriage and suffer through the hard times. Although divorce may sometimes be the better choice, when it is looked as just a fix to the problem, it may hurt mothers in our society in a variety of ways.

Leading in technology, reading, and sports, America is also the leading country in divorce rates. According to the U.S. Census 2012, we are leading in divorce rates across the globe (Census). This means we have higher divorce rates than China, Russia, and every other country in the world. 

Divorce is sometimes the good choice for both the man and woman, especially in abusive relationships, but it is oftentimes a result of miscommunication and disrespect. It can have many negative effects. Kristin Celello from The University of North Carolina in her book states, “While divorce is sometimes a necessity, it is also frequently the result of easily avoided misunderstandings”(Celello 14). Many times, instead of critical thinking, therapy, and problem solving, couples choose to give up the vows when rough times arrive. I will not be referring to extremely problematic and abusive marriages because in those cases, divorce is a choice and may be the best one out there for both men and women. I will be referring to non-abusive marriages that are problematic and choose to abandon marriage rather than mending it, and that may lead to a great deal of hurt rather than aid.  

After divorce, many mothers are left financially insecure and economically vulnerable. Some have struggles financially directly after the separation occurs. According to Social Science & Medicine journal, Wickrama states, “divorce leads to a precipitous drop in financial security almost immediately after the divorce” (Wickrama). And the percent drop may be as high as 35% (Wickrama). This means that a mother’s total income drops right after the divorce is final and may be extremely difficult for her to gain financial stability to support both their children and themselves after the divorce.

Long ago, marriages were to be kept together by law, since it secured women’s financial status and kept families together. It somewhat prevented single-parenthood and protected children from becoming father-less. Leslie Bennett, Senior writer and Editor in Newsweek and The Daily Writer explains, “ It [marriage] was how women ensured their financial security, got the fathers of their children to stick around, and gained access to a host of legal rights”(Bennett). However, in the recent years, divorce rates have been increasing, and that could mean that the number of financially insecure women has also been increasing. In the 1880’s, divorce rates were 2.2 per 1,000 existing marriages (Oldham). In 1970’s the divorce rate increased to 9.3 per 1,000 couples (Oldham). And in the year of 2005, divorce rates were 16.7 per 1,000 married couples (Oldham). Divorce rates increased from 2.2 to 16.7 per 1,000 existing marriages. With the increase of divorce rates and because women’s income drops significantly after the divorce (Wickrama), there may be more and more financially insecure mothers in America.

With the rise of divorce also came the easier access to become divorced. This led to the rise of single-parent households and financially unstable women. Divorce is a choice that is given to almost any couple that desires to abandon marriage; that puts divorce rates to the high rise and mothers to a risk of financial insecurity. Thomas Oldham, in Family Law Quarterly wrote, “Until the 1960’s, all states required proof of ‘fault’ by the respondent before the petitioner could obtain a divorce… today, almost all states accept it [no fault divorce]”(Oldham). If the rules from the 60’s applied today, it would nearly be impossible for a couple to become divorced. They would have to include proof of adultery, abuse, and proof of fault. Today, all states accept “no fault” divorce, meaning that any couple that believes they should separate can do so by simply signing the divorce papers. In speaking to Malinda, a woman who lived through her parents’ divorce as a child says, “People are so quick to… ‘well if it doesn’t work then we’ll just divorce’”(Baken). With easier access to it and since everyone is doing it, divorce has become in some sense popular in our society (Marisa). But the easy access or no fault divorce leaves more mothers financially insecure.

            Gaining financial stability is difficult, especially if the living costs are in the rise. It is very difficult in today’s world, for a single-household family to survive when childcare costs are from $4,500 to $18,800 a year ($375 to $1,567 per month); this represents childcare alone for one child, but does not include the living space, food, and clothing (Daycare). On top of daycare prices, the average cost for a one-bedroom apartment in Portland, Oregon, is $1,330 a month (Hosford). If a mother choses the cheapest daycare in town, combined with the average living cost, she will have to spend approximately $1,705 per month. Additionally, the cost of food will also need consideration. According to the USDA (U.S. Department of Agriculture), it takes $123.70 to feed a 4-5 year old for a month at a low-cost plan, and $216.90 to feed a 19-50 year old woman for one month (USDA). If a mother of one child is living in a one-bedroom apartment and eating a low-cost diet; her living expense per month would be $2,045.60. The amount above is not yet counting the amount of money it takes for the woman to travel to and from work and other expenses such as clothing, insurance, car parts replacement, etc. For a divorces mother, it may be extremely difficult to acquire financial stability with living costs at such high prices. 

            Not only are women and their financial status affected in result of divorce; their physical well being is also greatly affected. Dr. Wickham from Iowa State University, an expert in Family Studies states, “Diminished financial resources also limit access to health information and impact one’s opportunities or choices related to healthy behaviors such as sleeping habits, leisure time, recreational activities, and physical exercise” (Wickham 123). Since many single mothers are supporters of both their children and themselves and may experience a financial decline after divorce; they oftentimes have less financial resources. This means mothers are busier, trying to support themselves, and may not have enough time for a healthy life-style. In some cases, however, a woman may have a strong family and support system, where she does have to chances to partake in, and creates time alone fore relaxation. Unfortunately, many mothers don’t have such opportunities and are being greatly affected physically from many hours of work with no or little leisure time.

            Because mothers are spending a lot of their time at work and supporting the family, health issues due to stress may occur. Mothers are extremely over-worked, since only 3 million out of 10 million fathers pay child support (Sorensen). This means that there are 7 million fathers who don’t pay child support and in turn are not financially supporting their children (Sorensen). This confirms the idea that many divorced mothers are struggling to provide on their own. To help encourage fathers to pay, workshops have been organized. For example, in President Obama’s speech, Obama conveys, “We need Fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child, but the courage to raise one” (Obama). Unfortunately, with speeches and workshops, America’s single-parent household and divorce rates continue to rise. Conversely, more mothers are given the full responsibility of raising children on their own and that could severely affect their health.   

            Living an unhealthy lifestyle may be true for single moms after divorce, but for some, living in an unhealthy community is also a reality. “Divorced mothers may be more likely to live in unhealthy communities” says Dr. Wickrama, “where poor eating habits, smoking, and heavy drinking and normative and environmental toxins are prevalent”(Wickrama). That means that divorced mothers are more vulnerable to such communities. For a mother who is raising a child without any support from the father, it is extremely hard to survive living in a good neighborhood and a healthy community. One single mother says, “I get up. I make myself wake up every day. I tell myself to do more than just wake up. I live. I am a screw up, not special human being just like everyone else (Tekkamaki). This mother could be at a very high risk to drink, smoke, and raise her child in a non-healthy way. Many mothers who live in unhealthy communities may be prone to commit unhealthy activities and have an unhealthy life style.     

            When going through a divorce, it is not a simple action. It may require moving to a different area, planning visits, and dividing ownership. Malinda, who experienced her parents’ divorce says, “We moved to California… I remember being put on an airplane to go visit him [her father]” (Baken). That means there are possible stresses of moving, settling in, planning visiting days and so on. It can be very stressful for a divorced mother to go through the trouble of planning a place for living, moving, and visiting days with little or no support from the father. Unless the mother has developed a healthy relationship with a new partner who is willing to support her and the children in every way possible.     

            The stress created by various responsibilities of being a divorced mother greatly affects the women’s psychological health. Lorenz Frederick from Iowa State University, states in his study, “Divorce has long been linked to physical and emotional health problems” (Frederick 111). After much research, he states that women who divorced had higher levels of depressive symptoms two to three years later (Frederick 111). It may mean that even several years after the divorce has gone through, there are still memories, possible past regrets, and emotional breakdowns. Furthermore, the study on psychological health differences between married/unmarried and divorced women by Tracie Afifi states, “Separated/divorced mothers compared to married mothers had increased odds of having any anxious-misery disorder, depression… post traumatic stress disorder, any externalizing disorder, and antisocial personality disorder”(Afifi 122). Although it is possible that some women are much stronger and mentally happier after divorcing an abusive partner, especially if they developed depression during the years of marriage, however according to the above research, divorced mothers are more prone to depressive symptoms than married/unmarried mothers and many are left with regrets, feeling of helplessness, and depression. This in itself can lead to worse depressive symptoms than married mothers have.   

            Unfortunately, it is hard to know in research whether depression comes before the divorce occurred or after the divorce is final. For if a woman had psychological issues before separation, it is hard to say that her medical condition is caused by divorce. There is, however, a strong correlation between divorce and poor emotional health. There are many instances where mothers are faced with much stress and responsibility after divorce and thus are greatly emotionally affected by the tension of supporting a family on their own.  

Some women are often times left emotionally vulnerable to other men and possible un-healthy relationships. A woman who has personally gone through a divorce says, “Without an ex-marine husband around, men tried to take advantage of me and hurt me. I stood up, stood up on my own, and survived it all without going into a ton of detail. I had PTSD from a few incidents… Had some moments of really bad depression… I had a few bouts with suicidal thoughts” (Tekkamaki). This woman had rough experiences with other men and relationships. She felt like she needed to stand strong on her own, but through that she had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts. Not all women are faced with rough experiences after divorce, especially if they have a strong support system. However, many do face rugged experiences and get hurt by other men.  

Since many divorced mothers are experiencing poor emotional and are working a lot to support their families, the emotional tie with their children isn’t strong enough for children and mother’s adequate development. The question to be asked is: are children affected if the mother is at work all day? Leslie Bannetts quotes Jane Waldfogel, a Columbia University professor who wrote the book What Children Need, “Children do far better on average if their mothers do not work full-time in the first year of life” (Bannetts 269). This is seen especially in mothers who are choosing to breast feed; it’s almost impossible to be away from the baby for a full workday. The first year of life for children, is the time when they attach to the mother through diaper changing, feeding, smiling, and so on. It is during the time of attachment when the mother should stay with the baby and work on the child’s growth and development.

            Some mothers who had been through a divorce could also have less satisfaction of being a mother to their child/children. A mother who had gone through a divorce says, “I have always known in my heart that I would be a mom… I just never thought I would be doing it on my own as a single [divorced] mom.” (Blue). This mother used to have a dream of being a mother and raising children with her partner, on the contrary, she ended up raising her child alone, with no support from a father. Not all mothers are left raising their children alone, however. Some mothers develop healthy relationships with family and friends who are available to help with the children when needed. There are still, a number of mothers who are raising children on their own. Even though raising a child brings much happiness, it may be much less satisfying to be raising a child alone.

            Divorce may also affect the mother who is left without her children. A mother who has gone through divorce says, “I have read him bedtime stories, rocked him, changed his diapers… What could I say to his dad to allow me to see him? Even just…one a week? Or month? What will I tell my young son in the future? (P.E.). Even though it is rare to see a father gain custody of the child, 10% of children after divorce end up with their fathers (Steiner). That means that 10% of all divorces result in mothers not receiving full custody of their children. It is possible that a mother is not allowed, by the state, to gain full custody of her child because of being a danger to her child due to psychological and physical weaknesses. But it also may be that the mother’s ex husband had more legal rights to gain full custody of the child. Either way, the state does a fair job at concentrating on the well being of both mother and children. However, the state system may not be perfect, and some cases may be resolved unequally due to higher legal rights of the father and may leave a mother emotionally broken.

            High divorce rates have greatly impacted our society as a whole, in that it strongly impacts our mothers and our future generation. The answer to the high divorce rate issue may be more difficult to answer than one may think. It is clear that divorce rates are negatively affecting our mothers and there are many opinions on how to fix it. Some viewpoints include religious ties, whereas other opinions refer to history and urge us to look to the past to know what to do in the present and future.  

            I think we, as a society, may be slowly planting thoughts of divorce in our children’s lives as they grow. It may be that we must take steps to prevent our children from practicing divorce in their early teen years. I see an interesting pattern with teenagers who are experimenting with relationships. Thousands of middle and high school aged kids are going through heart breaks and separation with their "sweethearts” many times before they enter marriage. I wonder if the pattern of starting relationships and breaking up over and over is a rehearsal of divorce. Are they setting themselves up for divorce?

            To help eliminate this reoccurrence, different steps could be taken. For example, we might consider changing the rating system for movies that are being watched by our children. PG movies oftentimes include sexual content and might be giving the wrong message of marriage in general. Walt Disney’s movie The Proposal refers to marriage as being a simple way of keeping an immigrated woman in America before getting deported. The woman who is desperate to stay in America proposes a deal to her co-worker to get “fake” married. This movie may give kids an impression that marriage isn’t really a commitment, but that marriage is just something that could be brushed off in a comedy movie. This impression could lead our children into thinking that marriage is nothing more than a joke.

            Some research suggests that America should stop getting married, especially for the purpose of the economy. Jessica Bennett quotes Diana Furchtgott-Roth, “unwed Americans may find it even more advantageous – financially, anyway – to stay single” (Bennett). This suggests that single people are much better off being single, especially for money purposes. Single men won’t have to support a whole family and single women won’t either. Jessica Bennett also states, “the idea that we’re meant to be together forever is less realistic”(Bennett). That means that we, as human beings, with a life span in the high 70’s, shouldn’t be obligated to be with one person our whole lives. They compare the European countries where marriage rates are lower; hence their divorce rates are also lower (Bennett). It is a controversial topic and does have a great deal of positive effects to it, but there is still question whether women will feel financially secure and whether mothers will live a healthy life style within this solution. Or maybe “no marriage” can work.

            Others, however, suggest to change the expectations before entering marriage and to learn to work hard on it. Caitlin Flanagan who studies family structures states, “A lasting marriage is the reward, usually, of hard work and self-sacrifice” (Flanagan). Marriage is not something you can give up and move on to, it’s something that requires self-sacrifice and hard work.

            I think having free marriage counseling for couples that desire help could be one of the solutions. In other words, there should be a professional marriage counselor in every county, who is meant to serve anyone who needs help with marriage. Also, America should require education of some sort in order for a couple to get married. I suggest that marriage should be looked at as an honor, something that one has to earn through education, possibly a degree. The education could include problem-solving and communication skills as well as lessons about the decision making process in life and prevention of unwanted consequences when making choices. Education can give couples hope and a fresh start to shape their love life.

Works Cited

Afifi, Tracie O., Brian J. Cox, and Murray W. Enns. "Mental Health Profiles among Married, Never-Married, and Separated/Divorced Mothers in a Nationally Representative Sample." Social Psychiatry & Psychiatric Epidemiology 41.2 (2006): 122-129. Academic One File. Web. 21 Feb. 2012.

Baken, Melinda. Personal Interview. February 18, 2012.

Bennett, Jessica, and Jesse Ellison. “I DON’T” Newsweek; 2010. Vol. 155, Issue 25, p 42 – 45. Print.

Bennetts, Leslie. The feminine mistake: are we giving up too much?. New York: Voice/Hyperion, 2007. Print.

Blue, Ed. "I Never Would Have Thought........ : I Am a Single Mother Story & Experience." Experience Project - Personal Stories about any Life Experience. N.pag. Web. 1 Mar. 2012. <http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Single-Mother/2026552>.

Campbell Joseph, Bill Moyers. “The Power of Myth: Love and Goddess,” PBS video, 1988.

Celello, Kristin. “Making marriage work a history of marriage and divorce in the twentieth-century United States.” Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press, 2009. Print.

Census Bureau: The 2012 Statistical Abstract: International Statistics." Census Bureau Homepage. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Feb. 2012. <http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/cats/international_statistics.html>.

Daycare centers: How much do they cost? | BabyCenter." BabyCenter | Homepage - Pregnancy, Baby, Toddler, Kids . N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Mar. 2012. <http://www.babycenter.com/0_daycare-centers-how-much-do-they-cost_6056.bc>.

Flanagan, Caitlin. “Why Marriage Matters.” Time; 13 July 2009: p 45 -49. Print.

Frederick O., Lorenz, Rand D. Conger, and Glan H. Elder Jr.. "The Short-Term and Decade-Long Effects of Divorce on Women's Midlife Health." Journal of Health and Social Behavior. 47. June (2006): 111-125. Academic One File. Web. 21 Feb. 2012.

Hosford Middle School Real Estate, Apartments & Houses for Rent - HotPads ." HotPads - Map Search for Real Estate, Apartments and Houses for Rent, Foreclosures and Homes for Sale. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Mar. 2012. <http://hotpads.com/search/school/OR/Por

Malamabillie. "Life Decisions : I Am a Single Mother Story & Experience." Experience Project - Personal Stories about any Life Experience. N.p., 29 Feb. 2012. Web. 1 Mar. 2012. <http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Single-Mother/2096789>.

Marisa, Laudadio, and Jessen Monique, et. al. "Doomed from the Start?."People 16 Jan. 2012: 58-61. Academic Search Priemer. Web. 12 Mar. 2010.

Oldham J., Thomas. "Changes in Economic Consequences of Divorce." Family Law Quarterly 42.3 (2008): 419-447. Academic Search Premier. Web. 20 Jan. 2012.

P., E.. "Even While I Was Married, I Was Still A Single Mother. : I Am a Single Mother Story & Experience."Experience Project - Personal Stories about any Life Experience. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Mar. 2012. <http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Single-Mother/2028002>.

Sorensen, Elaine, and Chava Zibman. "Poor Dads Who Don't Pay Child Support: Deadbeats or Disadvantaged?." The Urban Institute | Research of Record. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Mar. 2012. <http://www.urban.org/publications/310

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My Cultural Identity

            Pink baby clothing, a small crib for her size, the perfect little socks for her tiny feet, and the knitted pink hat to cover her ears from the cold – are the thoughts my family was thinking when first bringing me home from the hospital. There were many laughs and smiles when I arrived to my new home – a home with three other siblings and a set of parents. I think I felt happy. The moments from when I was just a small child – shaped my identity as a human being on planet earth. Of course, it wasn’t just the first day of my day at my so-called “home” that shaped me; it is the every day from birth until today that shaped who I am today. I am a happy, positive person who has learned to be accepting and empathetic for all people. I am a Ukrainian woman who still enjoys her Ukrainian culture but also accepts other cultures and rituals when it comes to meeting new people.

            How did I become that way? Good question. It was the very moments when I heard my neighbor singing on top of his lungs about the beautiful foggy weather while fixing the tops of his roof. The moment when an “American” was passing by my street and gave me a long, pink, yummy gum! I still remember the way I ran inside the house to share the one thing we never had: gum. I remember the days when my dad had to shovel the snow in order to get out of the house to work. The snow was taller than me and I had a hard time walking because my legs were constantly getting stuck in the snow without any knowledge of why it could be so. I was the one who my mom saved the last candy for, since I was the youngest for four years of my life. It was me who told my dad, in an irritated tone, that the sun keeps running after me wherever I go and won’t stop doing so!

Growing up in Europe, I didn’t ever see people different than I was. Everyone in my block had similar interests, similar clothing, similar toys, and even food. The only difference I remember is my best friend in my day care. Her father was an official in the army and she always had items that were from far away and I envied her. One day I saw a beautiful hair clip on her hair, after admiring it and asking her to let me hold it, I carelessly threw it on the concrete floors under the many bunk beds of the room. Until this day, I have no idea why I could have done such a thing; perhaps, I was so jealous. My friend would not stop screaming until my provider ran in and forced me to find the hair clip to give back to my friend. She hit my bottom and I was crying; it was a memory I will remember for a long time. I never did anything bad to that friend ever again. I did smile at her during nap time while the care provider wasn’t looking. The only difference I knew then – was that there were rich and poor.

My family’s immigration to America in 1996 wasn’t a very big difference for me, since I was always around my cousins and family. When I was just five, my brother called the cops from our home phone and I remember getting in trouble with him, since I was there with him. My parents told us that if we were to ever do that again, the cops would come and take us away from our home. Since then, cops seemed cruel and unjust; I avoided them completely until I found that it was “cool” to wave to them when I was in 8^th grade.

I remember my first days in Kindergarten; I didn’t cry, I was a strong child. My mom was obviously very proud of me and constantly waited for me by my bus stop. After several month, as I stepped out of my school bus – my mom wasn’t there waiting. I walked home. Alone. I knew the route even though I was only 6. At first, it was surprising for the while family and eventually, my mom got used to it and it was soon considered to be the norm: Nina walked home everyday. My parents were more of old style, they walked to school all the time and we were to follow their steps. I remember not having certain toys that I wanted, so I started looking for those things in school. A girl from my class won a kitten and as soon as I saw it, I stole it from my cubby into my own backpack. I remember her pointing at me and crying to her mom, but I didn’t understand what she was saying, I felt bad. When I won a Kitty, it got stolen from me and I made a big fuss of it too. I remember how my mom tried so hard to buy the same toy that I won but couldn’t find one since I was making it sound much bigger and fluffier than it really was. A black girl in my class was constantly pinching me and all I did was say, “stop.” My parents told me to keep saying “stop” and said that she’ll eventually stop. I don’t remember them saying anything racist about black people back then.

Since our neighborhood was in the north east of Portland, we had only white people living in the area and had two parks near our house. I remember playing at the park with my siblings when a black girl was calling me to play with her. I immediately ran away because I “knew” in my mind that if I came close, she would pinch me. I ran back to my siblings and stayed close to for the rest of the time. I kept growing in the circle of my friends and relatives; rarely did I see a person from another culture or race. I went to a Slavic church and a Slavic school where everyone I knew were Russian/Ukrainian and Christian. I knew no other. I thought the world was perfect, parents were perfect, pastors were even more perfect, and God was the perfect-est. Until I noticed that a National Geographic Journal had a picture of a baby boy, brown-colored, covered in dirt and as skinny as something I have never ever seen before. I then started reading books about helping others in the world, I read of a boy who decided to send his toys to the poor children. I, together with my cousins, learned a song about how Jesus loves everyone, and it doesn’t even matter what color you can be! It was the start to accept others, since Jesus loves them all.

I remember my dad saying some things that would be considered as racism but he said those things more like jokes rather than something serious. The jokes didn’t really affect me too much, but I see how they affected my brother. He still calls people “Mexican” if they do a sloppy job. My parents talked about positive things more often than the negative, they were optimistic about other cultures but strictly forbid any of us to marry a non-Russian/Ukrainian person. It was a very obvious thing that I grew up with; it isn’t even a question to be considered. All my siblings and I somehow grew up to know that we would NEVER marry a non-Russian/Ukrainian person. For whenever we heard of someone getting married to somebody other, my parents’ tone sounded serious, as if a terror occurred.

The scenarios mentioned above are just a little piece of the story of how I became me – Nina. Through all I have been through and all I have heard, I am a white woman with much respect to diverse groups of people. I know my values, I know my choices, and I know the goals that I have. But I also understand that other people have values other than mine, they make choices other than mine, and they have goals other than mine. I learned to respect that and I have learned to have empathy towards everyone I set my eyes on.